Components of the Self-Concept

My experience has taught me always to try to learn as much I can about how my client sees him/herself and how he/she perceives the world. By gaining this insight my ability to help them as a coach increases tremendously.

In order to do this I must be constantly aware of two points. The first is to hold back on my assumptions, because it is a natural human tendency to to judge other and their actions based on how we see the world. This means I need to be completely engaged in what they are telling me and to be constantly listening to make sure I'm following there line of thinking (see 'Tools of the Trade' entry) If there is something that I don't understand and/or their description is too abstract or general, I need to back track and get clarification.

The second point is to ask designed questions to explore the components of the client's self-concept (SC) - the competencies, the character traits and the values. I'd like to explore each of these components in turn.

The first component of the SC is competencies (i.e. What am I skilled at? Where do my talents shine?). We tend to define ourselves by our talents, abilities and skills. When people talk about themselves, especially in introductions, they will tend to talk about what position they hold in a company, what they do for a living and what hobbies or sports they are involved in. Many people spend a considerable amount of their time invested in their jobs, pastimes, interests and hobbies. This is not so strange since what we are skilled at also tends to trigger our interest and curiosity. Thus people will view the world, see problem and challenges andmake decisions based on their competencies.

The second component of the SC is character traits (i.e. Who am I?). These are the labels that we've given ourselves, by other people and by our surrounding, whether it was in the past or now in the present. Labels such as diplomatic, arrogant, lazy, healthy, kind, neurotic, opinionated and countless other adjectives.

We may be conscious of some of our labels, but most of them will lie in the unconscious recesses of our mind. These labels may have been forgotten by the conscious mind, by no means though are they laying dormant. They are the bricks and morter of our identity and they have an ever-present influence on our behavior and our decision-making.

The final component is of the SC is values (i.e. What is important to me?). They are the sense or feelings we have about someone, something or some situation. The choices we make our based on these emotions and feelings. The reason why a person buys a certain type of car, lives in a particular area, enjoys a certain type of activity, listens to a a genre of music and a thousand other things are based on how it makes them feel. If you take a moment to think about why you wear a particular type of watch, dress in a certain style or the types of books you enjoy reading tell you something about your values. If you also take a look at your inner-circle of friends you will see that most likely share some values and it is these mutual values that contribute to the depth and strength of your friendship.

Whether it is in the professional or private areas of someone's life, they will make choices based on how it makes them feel. People make decisions based on feeling a sense of adventure, excitement, contribution, belonging, achievement, status, giving, recognition, respect and so on. At the same time, people make decisions to avoid feeling a sense of incompetence, boredom, frustration, embarrassment, irritation, fear, anger, stress and so on. This means that values are not only the reserve of positive feelings, but those of negative feelings. The author Tony Robbins called them moving-toward and moving-away values. Any feeling that we can experience can be brought down to the common-denominator of either pleasure or pain. The words we assign to feelings are simply a way of explaining the different degrees of pleasure or pain.

Your competencies, character traits and values make up your identity. For the majority of your waking day you are not consciously aware or thinking about these components. They are sitting undetected in your unconscious mind working away influencing your every action, thought and decision.

In order for you to feel psychology right about yourself, your actions, behavior and decisions have to be congruent with who you think you are. For example, if you feel that you are a person of intergrity then your actions will follow your beliefs as you personally come to define what integrity is.

If, on the other hand, your actions and behavior are incongruent with your self concept then there will be repercussions. It may be in the form of stress, feelings of guilt and blame, or an inner awkwardness. For example, a person may feel that part of her identity is a strong sense of commitment and trust, but one-day cheats on her boyfriend. Afterward, we may feel a deep sense of regret and guilt, because she has gone against her personal definition of commitment and trust.

So what is it that determines if someone is living congruently or incongruently with their identity? What is the underlying mechanism that gives us the ability to judge ourselves? The answer is our belief system, which will be the topic of the next entry.