decisions are determined to a great extent by our identity (self-
concept).
If what we do and what we choose are in line with who we believe we
are, then we can say we are living congruently. If not, then we are
living incongruently.
What is that determines if we are being either congruent or
incongruent with our identity? That is all dependent upon how we
personally define the rules of our identity. We can also call these
rules our beliefs.
These rules or beliefs are a result of the lessons we have learned.
What we take away from our experiences defines how we interpret the
people and the world around us.
For example, I remember when I was 6 years old my parents took my
brother and I to a farmers market. The day was hot and humid. I recall
with vivid clarity a beautiful Alsatian dog. I went up to pet it and
it bit right through my hand. Up to only a couple of years ago I was
fearful of any Alsatian. I learned to avoid them. I developed a rule,
although irrational, that all Alsatians bite.
This experience shaped me. It became a part of my identity. It
translated into words where I was telling my self that I should never
get even remotely near to german shepards. This became my rule and it
influenced my actions and behavior around that particular species of
dog.
So to more succintly answer the above question- what we tell ourselves
about an experience becomes the rule by which we obey.
Your values, competencies and character traits are all born from the
lessons you've learned up to the present day. What you have told
ypirselfbor what you've accepted from what others have said become
your rules. They become the beliefs by which you live your life.
Most of the beliefs we have serve us well, but this rule-system is far
from perfect. We all have rules that also serve against us. They
prevent us from moving forward. We will get more into that in the next
post.
Cordially,
Jason W Liem
MINDtalk@email.com
www.mindtalk.no
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