What language does your stressed brain speak?

A distinct language of the stressed brain.

 
In earlier blog entries I have written about the thinking mindset and the reactive mindset.  As a quick recap the thinking mindset is characterized by higher cognitive functions such as critical thinking, judgement, attention span, impulse control, solution orientation, cognitive flexibility and so on.  We find ourselves in this mindset when we feel a good degree of confidence, certainty, and oversight.  Unfortunately, this can quickly change.

Similar to how quickly the weather can shift in the northern Europe, so can the key-elements in a situation.  We can move from certainty to uncertainty and from having oversight to being overwhelmed.  With this shift come a change in our mindsets from thinking to reactive.  In the reactive mindset all of the higher functions that characterize the thinking mindset pretty much go offline.  What we are left with are the survival, instinctual behaviors of fight, flight and freeze.

Have you considered that mindsets have their own distinct language?

This is a question that I have my asked myself many times when I am in a coaching session with a client.  Typically, when I begin a session my client is some state of distress.  It could be an issue of looming deadlines and not enough time or a key direct-report who is giving him/her grief.  He or she may start our meeting in a reactive mindset where their focus is on only the problem and where they are hijacked by their emotions.  As they describe the situation their language instantly reflects their negative mindset.

As I ask more questions for clarification or elaboration, my clients are forced to start the arduous climb to the thinking mindset.  It requires cognitive energy to answer the questions and to articulate their thoughts.  With this heavy investment comes rewarding dividends.  That is, my clients are no longer plagued by the reactive mindset but are caught in the upward spiral of the thinking mindset.  There is a shift in their language that is characterized by forward-thinking, solution-orientation, and a broad spectrum of possibilities.

Even though I have been doing this for close to 13 years, my observations are still only anecdotal. Nonetheless, I have found the language used is a significant indicator of a constructive shift in mindset.

      If we are in the thinking mindset our outlook tends to be constructive and optimistic, and we use
      words such as solution, challenge, approach, possibilities.  When we question to figure out what
      has gone wrong we tend to ask questions like what is the reason?  In this mindset we are
      searching for an explanation.

      If we find ourselves in the reactive mindset our outlook is bleak and pessimistic, and we use
     words such as negative, problem, impossible, never.  When something does go wrong we ask
     questions like why now?, why does this have to happen?, where instead of searching for an
     explanation we are instead seeking a justification.

How does this relate to stress and self-management?
 
Individuals can sometimes be very harsh on themselves, where if it had been someone else they would have been much more lenient. This over-critical view really shines when someone chides himself for not getting something done.  I'll hear him say something along the lines of  'I should have done something' or 'I have to do something'. Simply thinking or saying this to yourself immediately begins the slide into the reactive mindset.

The answer is not being able to stop the reactive mindset from occurring, because that would only be an effort of futility.  If our brains interpret a situation to be a threat, whether mild or severe, it will automatically go into a reactive state.  The answer is to stop the reactive slide and begin the climb toward the thinking state of mind.

Part of self-managing your stress has to do with monitoring your thoughts and being award of what you say.  This is not very easy to do when your mind is occupied already with concern and worries. The key is to be able to shift your reactive language to a more thinking language (i.e. forward-thinking, solution-orientation, and a broad spectrum of possibilities).

An example of this is to shift from saying 'I need or have to do this...' to 'I want or would like to do this...'. Instead of asking yourself to justify your action by questioning, 'Why did you do that?', you instead search for an explanation by asking 'What is the reason...?'

Mind Your Language

An integral part of self-management in relation to stress is monitoring what we think and what we say.  There is a distinct language set depending on our mindset.  If we can become just a little more disciplined in how we use words in stressful situations, this can go a long way in modifying how we deal with stress.  

Curious? Wish to know more? Visit us at www.MINDtalk.no

Never, ever advise!

'We see the world as we are, and not as the world is. ' - Anaïs Nin

I admit that the title of this entry is a little over the top. Advice does come in handy, but we need to think about how and when we give advice. You may be a parent, a leader, a coach, a friend and so on. Regardless or your role or roles, I think this short entry is useful.

I want you to imagine that you and your significant other decided it was time to upgrade your computers. You make a jaunt down to the local GeeksRus and purchase two computers. They are completely identical software and hardware wise.

After a few months of use you one day forget your pc at the office. You borrow your significant other's. You find after only a few seconds that you cannot make heads or tails of rhe pc in front of you. Nothing is where it should be. It all seems so disorganized to you, but it makes complete sense to her or him.

This is an analogy that describes how each of our brains are wired. From a distance they look identical, but upon closer inspection each brain is completely unique.

Each of us has our own set of experiences and lessons learned that are unique to us. This forms a kInd of mental map, which influences how we each perceive and interact with the world. How each of us stores, encodes, organizes these lessons and experiences are also as indiviual as we are.

When it comes to us advising another person as to how to accomplish or tackle a situation, we are advising them from our perspective of the world. We are not taking into account their map of the world.

This is where a shift in thinking is needed. We may know from experience the best way to overcome an obstacle that is proven time and again to be effective. What we have to remember that we've had time to integrate this method into our map of the world. Someone confronting the same obstacle may be doing so for the first time. They have no map.

If we want to help them, it is best for us to allow them to connect the dots. So instead of advising we can ask well-engineered questions to help direct their thinking in the right direction.

Questions allow for the person to make the logical connections, and thus integrate the information into their mental map. An 'aha' moment usually soon follows. They see the light.

Questions that flow from the well of experience and knowledge is so much more valuable to a learner than straight-forward advise that flows from the same well.

- On the road with my iPhone