Never, ever advise!

'We see the world as we are, and not as the world is. ' - Anaïs Nin

I admit that the title of this entry is a little over the top. Advice does come in handy, but we need to think about how and when we give advice. You may be a parent, a leader, a coach, a friend and so on. Regardless or your role or roles, I think this short entry is useful.

I want you to imagine that you and your significant other decided it was time to upgrade your computers. You make a jaunt down to the local GeeksRus and purchase two computers. They are completely identical software and hardware wise.

After a few months of use you one day forget your pc at the office. You borrow your significant other's. You find after only a few seconds that you cannot make heads or tails of rhe pc in front of you. Nothing is where it should be. It all seems so disorganized to you, but it makes complete sense to her or him.

This is an analogy that describes how each of our brains are wired. From a distance they look identical, but upon closer inspection each brain is completely unique.

Each of us has our own set of experiences and lessons learned that are unique to us. This forms a kInd of mental map, which influences how we each perceive and interact with the world. How each of us stores, encodes, organizes these lessons and experiences are also as indiviual as we are.

When it comes to us advising another person as to how to accomplish or tackle a situation, we are advising them from our perspective of the world. We are not taking into account their map of the world.

This is where a shift in thinking is needed. We may know from experience the best way to overcome an obstacle that is proven time and again to be effective. What we have to remember that we've had time to integrate this method into our map of the world. Someone confronting the same obstacle may be doing so for the first time. They have no map.

If we want to help them, it is best for us to allow them to connect the dots. So instead of advising we can ask well-engineered questions to help direct their thinking in the right direction.

Questions allow for the person to make the logical connections, and thus integrate the information into their mental map. An 'aha' moment usually soon follows. They see the light.

Questions that flow from the well of experience and knowledge is so much more valuable to a learner than straight-forward advise that flows from the same well.

- On the road with my iPhone