The Opening Statement - Part 2

In my last entry, I wrote about two of the most common approaches to having a crucial/difficult conversation. Those approaches are
generally not very well thought through and are often ineffective.
They can actually make a tense or bad situation worse.

The most professional approach is one that is clear, concise and
succint. At the same time it has been planned and practiced.

The opening statement should take no longer than a minute or two to
say. In the following paragraphs I will outline a step-by-step way of
constructing the all-crucial opening statement based on the acronym
DISCUSS.

DISCUSS stands for dilemma, illustrate, sense, consequences,
understanding, solution and story.

Dilemma: you want to be able to identify the core issue that needs to
be addressed. What part of CPR is it (please see The Prep Work - Part
2)?

Illustrate: it is very important to find a current example that
exactly illustrates the dilemma you are addressing. The example should
be current and speicific.

Sense: you need to state in no uncertain terms how you feel about the
dilemma. Stating your feelings adds significant impact to your
message, hitting home the seriousness of the dilemma.

Consequences: here you will want to point out what is at risk if the
situation or behavior is not rectified. This adds weight to your
message, because the person will know exactly what is at stake.

Understanding: this is where you state that part of the blame may lie
with you. Perhaps you may not have given feedback as often as you
should have. Perhaps you simply assumed the other person knew what
was expected of them and felt it was not necessary to further inform
them.

Solution: this is where you are candid about finding a solution. You
want to invite the person to help rectify the situation. This is where
it is necessary to use your other communication skills to communicate
specifically what changes are needed.

For example, you hire a golf pro to improve your game. He tells you to
'hit longer' and 'to stop slicing the ball' and that is as specific as
he gets. Obviously, this advice is pretty much useless, because it
doesn't tell you anything as to how to improve your game. It does
nothing to address your performance.

In the solution step, it is essential to state what specifically needs
to be done, to be seen and/or to be heard if performance and/or
behavior is to improve and/or change.

Story: at this point you want to invite the client or employee to
share his side of the story. This is simply a short sentence asking
them to share their perception of the situation.

Lets put it all together using a simple example.

"Greg, I would like to address with you the effect your style of
interaction is having on the othe team members. This morning during
the staff meeting you behaved in an aggresive manner when answering
questions about your projects development. I'm concerned about the
effect this behavior is having on other team members. It is putting
the the team on edge, because they feel any feedback or question on
their part wil be perceived as a personal attack on you. This means
the open communication that is needed for this project is at risk.
Perhaps I have not been clear enough how important it is that we are
all open to feedback and questions. I want to work with you Greg to
resolve this issue. To do this, I would like to hear your side of the
story of how you perceived this morning's meeting."

In my next entry, I'll talk about the last two steps of handling a
crucial/difficult conversation.

Cordially,

Jason W Liem
MINDtalk@email.com
http://www.mindtalk.no/