Resolution

Resolution is the fourth and final step in conducting and handling
difficult conversations.

By the time you've reached this step you have prepared and told your story about how you perceived events. You have also thoroughly explored the other person's story of events. Now it's time to describe the gap that lies between the difference in views.

It is prudent to articulate the gap in as neutral and diplomatic a
tone as possible. In addition to this, try to avoid using the word
'but'. Instead use the word 'and'. It is a much more inclusive word.
The use of 'but' communicates devisiveness. Below you'll find a
specific example of what I mean.

Once you have summarized the gap it is then necessary to get
confirmation from the other party that your descripition is accurate.
The following is an example of how to structure the gap and to ask for
confirmation.

"As I've explained, during the staff meeting I thought you responded
aggresively and you're comments were overly-critical of your
colleagues ideas. AND you explained that you were trying to keep the
team on target and focused. You said that you were being straight-
forward and practical, because you feel that some of your colleagues
tend to digress off topic. Especially now, with a looming deadline.
Is my summary accurate? Am I missing anything?"

Once you have a confirmation, the next step is to agree on an action
plan. This consists of exploring options. When an option has been
found it should be concrete and specific in defining the way forward.

A critical part of his step is to build in accountability. I use the
acronym WWWF (Who, What, When and Follow-up). It is quite straight-
forward. Myself and the other party agree to who does what and by
when. Then we schedule a follow-up meeting. This may only be a single
event or it may require a number of meetings.

That's it! This is the step-by-step method on conducting difficult
conversations that I coach clients on, teach in workshops, and
actively use.

1. The Prep Work
2. The Opening Statement
3. Gaining Perspective
4. Resolution

Having a difficult conversation is no less important than a crucial
negotiation. It requries the same dedication and planning. It is not
advisable to just to sit down and have the difficult conversation. You
need to do your homework. You need to be professional by employing the
self-management and communication skills I've written about in my last
seven blog entries.

I realize full-well that learning how to conduct a difficult
conversation from a blog is much like learning karate from a book.
It's not going to help you much if three goons jump you in a dark alley.

The idea is to help you become aware that there is a professional and
effective way to having a difficult talk with someone. The best way to
utilize these skills is to role-play with a trusted colleague or
coach. This is the best method to evolve book-knowledgee into
experienced-knowledge without making awful gaffs in the real-situation
that has real consequences.

I would highly-appreciate any feedback or topic-relevant comments.

Cordially

Jason W Liem
MINDtalk@email.com
www.mindtalk.no