Look forward. There is no turning back.

I went to the Paleontology museum with my son today.  Everywhere we turned there were the massive skeletal remains of dinosaurs.  Even though these enourmous structures of biology stood in front of me, it was still hard to wrap my head around the fact that these animals walked the same Earth millions of years ago.

Of course, I had seen dinosaur exhibits before, but today I was just as awe-struck as if it was the first time.  I watched my little boy run from one dinosaur to the next with all the excitement bursting out of his body.  "Look papa look!"  "See how big that one is?"  "I have that one at home!" (referring to his little plastic toys).

Sitting here this evening pondering what I want to blog about, I find that dinosaurs are rumbling through my head.  As I think about dinosaurs my mind is jumping to the past, and as the mind is with associations, I am thinking about my past.

I have had 40 years of experiences that have shaped the man I am today.  Most of those experiences have been brilliant.  I also have a collection of experiences I've gained by graduating from the school of hard knocks.  I've been knocked down, thrown about and gutted by some of these experiences.  Although they wounded me, they have also shaped me, strengthened me and made me appreciate what I have and who I am.

When coaching or counseling clients (depending on the skill-set needed for that session), I find it crucial to get the client to keep her head up and looking toward the horizon.  It is so easy, especially when we are stressed and strained, for us to look down.  We get lost in the noise of the moment and the dust that is kicked up by a problem.

When the mind is troubled with a problem or stressed with a situation, it tends to shift into default.  Default for the mind is stewing up negative thoughts.  It seems to want to look for something to worry about even if there is nothing to fret over.

By keeping my client to looking forward, it keeps her attentive on looking for solutions and open doors.  Of course, sometimes a client feels she needs to rummage around in her past.  I personally find that it is best to try to limit this mental exercise.

One way to do this is to ask how a past experience is affecting there life in the here and now.  I want to help them change or modify the beliefs they established in the past and are now hindering them in the present. This approach keeps a client's mind in the present, where they can actually affect change.

There is no need to ask a client to relive an awful or traumatic moment. I truly believe asking someone to dive into their past and dig up old traumas serves no purpose.  They can not change the past.  It is what it is.  The only thing they can change is how that experience and the associated beliefs affects them in the present.

I tell my client, " Look forward.  There is no turning back."